As you may already know, I've worked for years in Family Law prior to becoming a life coach and working in financial services. I’ve helped people with custody issues, family violence and also helped people divorce their spouses. Being so closely involved with the clients and the case gave me firsthand insight as to why the divorce, for example, was happening in the first place! When I have sessions with couples, together or individually, I can’t help but be reminded of what I experienced in my days of family law and it prompted me to write this post to remind couples of important factors in a relationship.
Trust and honesty are the two most mentioned factors of a stable relationship. Often, people forget that it’s also important to remember that ‘it goes both ways’ and that the people involved are different in nature. For example, in relationships, women may be used to giving orders, fully expressing emotions, and very candidly making points about what we want, don’t want, and will not tolerate. While we’re making sure that our rules are being followed and our standards are being met, we may forget about theirs:
1. Say you’re slacking, and your partner asks you to do more chores and pick up around the house. You do, reluctantly, but you do.
Partner: You won! But remember that thing you used to do in the bedroom that you stopped doing, that they’ve been asking about for a while, because, they like that thing?
The point is, you may both want things to change but need a middle ground. Maybe they haven’t been cleaning up because their partner hasn’t been doing that thing and maybe they stopped doing that thing because their partner was being lazy! Communicate and compromise!
2. Ladies, he’s tired, so he asks if he can relax for a while or a take a nap after a long day. You’ve been working too, or running after the kids all day, or have been busy in other ways. You agreed. You don’t really want to, but you do.
Partner: You won! But don’t forget when it’s your turn for bath time because she asked for a break too!
Maybe you both need a nap after a long day but don’t want to ask because you know your partner is tired too and don’t want to seem selfish. They don’t mind asking though! Be open, communicate and compromise! Take turns with responsibilities and realize too that everyone needs a moment to regroup at times!
If someone feels that they are not being heard or understand, constantly suppressed, or not loved (among other things), there is likely a chance that they may leave or even venture out. You don’t want them to find someone else to do that thing that they like or find somewhere else to relax because you don’t let them take a little mental break. So, remember to listen to better half when they tell you what they need. Just as you express yourself and expect them to listen or follow, you should as well.
Or else you’ll be reading this again when they tell you they’re working late but you find out she’s dating a man who’s clean and cleans up nice or you find out he actually did leave work but has been spending time at a quieter apartment!